This is not a fic. This is commentary for a fic requested by tomboy_typist
. This is "Things Lucivar Does For Love (The List is Short)" for the Black Jewels Trilogy.So mostly I write horribly painful angsty things with unhappy endings, but sometimes I just have to write things that are hilarious and cute, and generally, funnily enough, Lucivar is a good candidate. Oddly, I have also written some of my darkest fic with him. Just goes to show, he’s a versatile boy. The title here, “Things Lucivar Does For Love” is a play on the line from Jaime just before he shoves Bran out a window in A Song of Ice and Fire. But this fic is a good deal more harmless action. (Admittedly, Lucivar might disagree.)
Lucivar loved his youngest niece. He really did, or he wouldn’t volunteer to keep track of her when Aaron and Kalush wanted a night out, or Kalush was exhausted and Aaron was running out of energy, or really if he just felt like having a little time with the little girl. Lucivar is such a friggin puppy. I mean, he is a Badass, no lie. But on the other hand…such a puppy. And such a sucker for adorable little girls. Lucivar around kids just melts all over the place and it is adorable.
On the other hand, she was as charming as her mother and as wicked as her father, and he most certainly did not love some of the ideas she had. She clapped her hands together and beamed at him with that face that made him feel like the best person ever and clamored, for the third time, “Dress up!”
Saying no would make him a bad person. And she would be terribly upset. Lucivar hated it when Arianna cried. And even if he suspected that she had figured out how much it upset him and sometimes did it on purpose, that didn’t make it any better, really, not when he couldn’t think straight because she was bawling her eyes out and he just wanted to make it better. Little girls manipulating fearsome and much older men is kind of a kink of mine. I love it. It’s just hilarious and while it wouldn’t be adorable if it were me? When it is them, it is somehow adorable. Like here. Arianna has already figured out how to get her way out of Lucivar. I am pretty sure that this would not work with Aaron, though, or honestly anyone else. Lucivar is just a gullible idiot.
“I don’t think you have anything that would fit me, sweetheart,” he tried. She clambered into his lap and tapped his Ebon Grey with one finger.
“You could make them fit, couldn’t you? If I picked something out you could make it bigger and try it on, couldn’t you?”
Lucivar didn’t think to lie. Lucivar is just a very honest man, really. He doesn’t think about lying very often. So he certainly wouldn’t here. “Uh – I suppose so. What if I were to dress you up, Arianna? How about that?
She shook her head vehemently. “No. No fun. I want to dress you. It’ll be pretty, I promise! I won’t pick anything ugly or awful.” She put out her lower lip and her eyes were suddenly melting brown pools. “Please, Uncle Lucivar?”
Damn all women, down to the really young ones. Poor boy is just helpless. Lucivar sighed. “All right, all right. We can play dress up.” Aaron wouldn’t be back for a long while, and there was no real cost to anything but his dignity to letting Arianna play with his hair and draw on his face and put clothes on him. And while Lucivar loves his dignity…not as much as little girls who call him Uncle. XD “You’ll need something cut for Eyriens, though-“
“I know just what,” she said, cheerfully, and hurried into her play room, looking more than just delighted. Lucivar followed, with a growing feeling of trepidation.
Arianna was buried up to her waist in a trunk full of clothes, legs kicking the air, and emerged, finally, holding up a dress triumphantly. I have done this before, in my own dress up bucket. That’s how I knew how to describe it. I was small, and the good stuff was always at the bottom!
“Orion left it here,” she said, proudly. “She got too big for it and said I could have it, and it has wing slits and everything. And it’s not that little so you should be able to make it fit…”
She looked at him expectantly. Lucivar was still staring at the dress in awestruck horror. It was a vibrant and unfortunately loud pink, ruffled around the neck and the skirt to an absurd degree. The skirt was slashed with orange that made him grit his teeth. The ugliest description I could think of. Also the most ridiculous thing to put someone like Lucivar into. Of course it had to be orange. And Arianna was still looking at him, waiting.
“That’s…an interesting dress,” he said, tentatively, and Arianna nodded enthusiastically and shoved it into his hands. “Here! Here, put it on, Uncle Lucivar! I’m getting some of mama’s cookies,” and then she skipped out of the room.
Lucivar looked at the dress and moaned faintly. He could rip it and that would put an end to that. Unless there was a worse dress somewhere in there. He could just flat out say no and try to distract Arianna. He was not going to wear this dress.
He held it out at arm’s length and thought of Arianna’s big, dimpled grin that she got when he did something she liked, and thought about the expression she got when she was really unhappy, and the way her face squished up when she cried really loudly. Like I said. Lucivar: gullible idiot when it comes to little girls. I wrote another fic about this, actually, about Lucivar being stupid about Jaenelle doing something, and it was just as cute and silly. I just like to mess with him, I guess.
“Oh, shit,” he said, and stalked into the bathroom to change, already working out how much bigger the dress would need to be.
In the end, he couldn’t fasten the back and could barely move his arms, but he wore it anyway, and the look on Arianna’s face when she came back was one of such sheer delight that his bad mood evaporated completely. But he’s an adorable gullible idiot. So he let her serve him tea and put his hair in two braids and gave her a horse-ride, too, though he’d never appreciated how hard it was to walk in a dress. You know you want a braided hair Lucivar giving you a horsey-back ride. The tea is my favorite image, though. It’s like that bit in Supernatural recently where Sam is holding a tiny teacup and is kind of hunched over and it’s adorable in its ridiculous. Even if he was soulless at the time. It seemed nearly impossible, this moment.
It wasn’t going so badly, really, until he heard the door opening and nearly dropped Arianna in horrified shock.
“Daddy’s home!” Arianna yelled, and squirmed out of his arms, disappearing. Lucivar was tempted, sorely, to make a leap for the Winds and escape now, even for the energy it would take, but to where – Daemon would never let this pass, not in a thousand years. And Saetan would likely be worse. Not to mention Marian. Poor Lucivar. He’s really getting it now.
And then Arianna dragged her father around the corner, expression one of utmost pride, and Lucivar attempted to keep his coolest expression, facing Aaron. With pride. He was an Ebon Grey Eyrien Warlord Prince, dammit.
In a dress.
Aaron looked as though he were trying valiantly not to laugh and the effort was making his ribs creak. Lucivar was fairly certain he had never hated anyone so much in his whole life. Aaron. I love Aaron. And I think Aaron has way more of a sense of humor than he lets on. And here he is just dying. Arianna, on the other hand, was pointing, delighted. "Daddy! We're playing dress up and look what I put on Uncle Lucivar!"
*If you say anything,* Lucivar warned Aaron on a spear thread, with a baleful glare, *I will kill you.* Of course he won’t. And they both know it. But Aaron has a better idea.
Aaron's mouth writhed. He hesitated. Looked at his daughter, looked back at Lucivar, and then said, slowly but perfectly clearly, "...it's a very nice dress, darling. Have you shown Jaenelle?"
It’s one of the silliest things I’ve ever written, but I love it anyway. It’s cute and fluffy and sometimes that’s all I need. Also Lucivar with little girls. It makes him happy. Even when he ends up in a dress. But my favorite part of this is Aaron’s response, because you just know that Arianna is going to insist on showing Jaenelle and that, my friends, will be that.